The Door Knob

Has this happened to you? It did to me. And let me tell you, it’s a frightening situation. I don’t know what the odds are of this happening, but a hundred dollar bet in Vegas on this occurring would no doubt, make you quite rich. By a weird coincidence, the belt loops on my pants are the exact same height as those fancy door knobs with the curly-cue end. This morning while searching for something in a hall closet, I turned away from the door … and suddenly … hooked! I started jumping, twisting, and bending like a 165-pound Marlin! But to no avail. Escaping seemed impossible.  Struggling only made matters worse. My belt loop was helplessly wedged on that knob tighter than spandex on a 355-pound sumo wrestler. It seemed that my only recourse was to somehow get out of my pants while they were still attached to the door from hell. To add to my woes, the closet with the devilish knob, that now owned me, was right next to our see-through cut glass front entrance.

The Evil Knob

My mind raced as I squirmed to get out of my pants while hoping that the Amazon driver would not be making a delivery at that very moment. Or, gosh forbid, Girl Scouts selling cookies. Oh, the humanity! Finally, one leg out. I wriggled, grunted and with a great amount of luck finally freed myself from what would have been a certain defining moment in my life if Janet, had arrived home from work early. I collapsed on the floor, totally exhausted. My forehead beaded with sweat like rain drops on a newly waxed car. I opened my eyes. There, glaring down at me were my pants, dangling loosely from that “freaking” door knob. And then it hit me. This is exactly why I need a first alert necklace. “Hello, operator? I am hooked on a door knob and I can’t escape!  Please send help. Oh, yeah, if you don’t mind, come in through the back door.”